Palmwoods
District News

May 13,
1999

Page 9

On the Edge
with Pastor Chas Gullo

Forgiveness why bother! "If I live till I’m 100 I will never forgive her for what she did when I was a child. I not only hate him for what he did but I am angry at all men. I don’t trust them and I never will".

Have you ever heard or made statements like these? On the surface it seems that what is being said is rational and understandable but notice each person is saying two things. I have been hurt. This is how I am responding.&127;&127;&127;

We can be hurt when we are rejected and put down by those who are significant in our lives - parents, peers, teachers or siblings. We can be hurt when we are emotionally, sexually or physically abused, betrayed, victims of other peoples behaviour.

When we are hurt our immediate feeling can be anger, fear, disappointment, guilt, degraded, bereaved, unforgiving, revengeful. When people express their pain and talk about the event that caused the pain they are focusing on one of life’s realities: We cannot love without taking a risk we will be hurt; We rarely live in and rely on families without experiencing pain; We live in an imperfect world as imperfect people. We will experience many joys and we will almost certainly experience pain. There is a lot to be said for having a realistic but not fatalistic expectation of life. We frequently cope with pain by not forgiving , becoming bitter and resentful, seeking revenge, punishing ourselves and others, withdrawing, creating distance in relationships, becoming critical. The crunch is this while our immediate reaction to a hurtful event is involuntary, our long term response is the result of choices we make. Therefor although we are not responsible for other’s behaviours towards us, nor have we control over involuntary emotions, we are responsible for our choice of reaction after the event. If you are hurt or angry enter the following process as a way of dealing once and for all with bitterness and resentment and unforgiveness : Own, as your own, the anger and resentment you feel toward the person who hurt you. The other person is responsible for their actions against you, but you must choose your response; Identify the destructive behaviours and attitudes; Seek the forgiveness of those you are hurting because of your anger. It is helpful to ask God to forgive you for hurting yourself.

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